[ Honestly, it's a fifty-fifty chance whether Haruaki will go from wriggling to flailing and thrashing until he's able to escape through pure chaos alone–
Or if he'll go stock still, huge red eyes shot wide open and locked on Akira's.
He's effectively trapped, and Akira might be intentionally slowing his movements so as not to scare him, but it doesn't stop his heart from pounding so loudly in his chest that his ribs rattle.
It's a side effect of the conversation from the hall, good old fashioned boy's talk that led to him getting punted into the nurse's office. His tragically unkissed circumstances are fresh in his mind when normally they barely even feature; that's why he's thinking of it, surely, with Akira leaning in this close.
What was he even saying before...?
Temperature, right?
Well. Haruaki prepares to have a thermometer popped into his mouth, then. ]
[ No matter what comes before or after, in moments of stillness, it's impossible to forget who he's speaking to.
He doubted it at first, why wouldn't he? That man was strong, capable, wise, if a little charmingly goofy at times. Haruaki here...well. He hadn't seemed anything but charming when they first met.
But the longer Akira paid attention, the more he couldn't help but notice, especially in the way he handled those around him. That light shining off in the distance of the train tunnel had been the final nail in the coffin, the reason for him to see even more, and more, and more, and more.
There's no doubt in his mind that the most important man in his life is beneath his hands right now, close enough to count every wrinkle in bright red stromata.
And the effects that's having on him gives him the belated realization that his own ability to compare their temperatures might be skewed.
It's fine. This is all fine. Like he said, just a quick check and treatment if necessary, and he can usher Haruaki back out the door where he no doubt wants to be. Where he should be, to guide yet more lives that need him along their paths.
Still slow and steady, eyes unknowingly half-lidded in their brief contemplation, Akira rests his forehead against Haruaki's. Silent. ]
[ Neither of them move an inch. Haruaki barely even breathes.
It's... strange, isn't it? Even in past visits when he's been a compliant patient, it hasn't gone like this. Akira's usually all too happy to examine as much of him as possible, and Haruaki's all too eager to leave – a potent combination that leaves little time for idle rest.
It doesn't occur to Haruaki that the touch of their foreheads might serve any purpose at all. There's only one logical conclusion to him. ]
Are you tired, Takahashi-sensei?
[ There's still the slightest edge of unease to his voice, never fully comfortable around the good doctor no matter how docile he might seem in the moment – but for the most part, his tone is soft, understanding. More serious than Akira's probably used to seeing, too. The sort of quality his voice might take on if he were talking to one of his students if they seemed particularly down. ]
You work really hard, you know. It would make sense if you were.
[ Oh, no. No no no no, not that voice. Not that face. Hearing it again so close, so clear, Haruaki's long fingers are suddenly snaking through the gaps in Akira's ribcage, taking a firm hold on his heart and squeezing.
He's thought about this before. Idle daydreaming about being so close during those times he has a moment to let his mind rest and go blank for just a moment.
It feels a lot like that right now.
Maybe he is tired. Maybe that's why it all melds together, daydream and reality, and his eyes are sliding shut to gently, so gently, close the distance between their lips. ]
[ Maybe there's a youkai that eavesdrops on your conversations with your students where your deepest (still no) darkest (come on, man) secret comes to light and then crafts an illusion around it. Maybe that's what's happening here, and he'll have to embark on an adventure around the school to stop it from preying on his students and the rest of the staff, spinning their secret regrets and desires into scenarios that fade away into a fine mist as soon as they're dispelled.
Maybe. Haruaki has no way of knowing. He encyclopedia lays on the little table beside the bed, out of reach. He's boxed in, shirt collar still held fast in one of Akira's fists with a strength that doesn't match how tenderly he brushes their lips together in–
A kiss.
Haruaki's eyes are still wide open, staring at Akira's close-up face as he's kissed. It's probably a very poor kiss on his part, considering he can't do anything but let his lips part in dumb surprise and then stay frozen there, not even returning the gesture.
Lest Akira read that for a lack of interest, though, there are surely subtle physical cues he can pick up on, most Haruaki isn't even aware of. His breath coming shorter, the flush rising high up in his cheeks, the pace of his heart going rabbit fast, the clench of both of his fists into the scratchy bedsheets. Put together, it all telegraphs the one thing that fuels Haruaki most: desire.
But in the moment, all he can do is blink rapidly, a soft questioning noise rising up in his throat. ]
Once he's back in his right mind, Akira might wish he'd felt fear, disgust, something that would have knocked him out of it and made him pull away. Maybe he would've been able to control himself then.
But desire meets desire like flint meets steel, and Akira is lost.
The hand previously caging them in moves to cup Haruaki's cheek, much more gentle even than its counterpart still holding on as if someone or something is going to take him away. Not that anyone would dare, not here, and would have an even harder time dethatching them once the tip of Akira's tongue traces those open lips hungrily before sneaking between them. ]
That soft questioning noise turns into a yelp, high and squeaky and undignified. Akira can enjoy a few precious seconds of exploring a warm, inviting mouth with his tongue before Haruaki jolts into action, both hands going to his shoulders. He doesn't shove Akira off, just wraps his fingers firmly around them as he tries to wrench his head back.
Which... there isn't much room for, given he's pressed up against the wall. The resultant flailing chaos means that more than likely, all his blushing and stammering through his words will only serve to knock together noses, lips and teeth. ]
Takahashi-sensei! Y-you can't do that during someone's first kiss!!
[ He's locked into those precious few seconds, so much so that it is indeed difficult to pry him away far enough to be able to form coherent words again. Haruaki manages, because of course he does, and Akira's left a feverish, confused fool with his tongue lolling out of his mouth as it so often does while his eyes beg Haruaki for an answer.
Which he gets, and then needs a few moments to register what he's heard.
Blink. Blink blink. ]
...First kiss?
[ He heard that, right? His hearing's still excellent?? ]
[ He heard right! And he's about to hear a whole lot more!
The words just come spilling out, far too loud for how close they still are. ]
That's right! Now you know why the students pushed me in here! They found out that I hadn't had my first kiss, and they said I might have some kind of disease! But I'm not diseased! I just have an off-putting personality and, until recently, an inability to make friends, much less go on dates!!
[ His mouth snaps shut, blush climbing all the way up to his ears as he manages to force himself to meet Akira's gaze for a second before looking away again. ]
[ First kisses are a big deal to a lot of people, he knows this. Having it 'stolen' like that is reasonable cause for upset.
Haruaki is a very kind, very patient person, so that might be all this is. But what if it wasn't? He's had some pretty awful things done to him and forgiven the perpetrators, so that might be all this is. But what if it wasn't?
In spite of all his enigmatic smiles, Akira is in fact an open book. And what's front and center on the pages of his eyes is hope. ]
[ Honestly? His brain is still processing the fact that it happened at all. He can't exactly be upset about something he hasn't fully internalized yet.
Even when he does, though... ]
No, I'm... [ What's the word he's looking for... ] Curious?
[ His hands are still on Akira's shoulders. He's not sure what to do with them, fingers flexing nervously.
Learning about someone is how Akira shows his respect. Haruaki learned that about him fairly quickly, all things considered. Maybe he can take a leaf out of that book. ]
That's a good thing to be, of course, and for the most part Akira isn't a man of many secrets. Just the ones he's learned from experience would upset people if he admitted to them, so he keeps them shoved away in...an admittedly not tightly locked box. He has far too little shame to put that much effort into hiding them.
But this is one of those things that might upset someone, and someone important at that. Feelings are complicated things, things with the power to change people and relationships fundamentally, both for better and for worse.
And he doesn't have nearly enough data to say which way admitting to something like this could go.
But he makes the mistake of looking into those curious eyes and once again his heart is seized. ]
Well...I wanted to.
[ Despite the nerves, he keeps his eyes on Haruaki's, searching for any kind of reaction. ]
[ He shouldn't explain it, not everything, not now. Excited and eager as he is to just let everything spill out as it comes, now isn't the time. He can't very well leave it at that, though, can he...?
The hand still at Haruaki's cheek moves its thumb, gently brushing against bright, sun-kissed skin. Gods, how is it still so soft? ]
You're endlessly clever, and use that to be kind. You've made unspeakable differences in people's lives, more than someone as humble as you will ever be willing to admit. You think in ways no one I've ever met has gotten even close to, and I want to see more, learn more, learn every possible thing I can about you and how you operate and still be surprised by what you do and what you say.
...I also like the way the whole of you reacts when you see something that makes you happy. The way your pupils dilate, the slight flush of your cheeks, even your hair looks like it's enjoying itself.
[ It's hard to put into words, he says, before putting the kindest words ever spoken about Haruaki into the universe.
His cheek steadily burns hotter beneath Akira's gentle hand, and the only word for the expression that overtakes his face is stunned.
For a brief second, he wonders if it's a trap. Some way for the mad doctor to get one over on him and– what, vivisect him? But he's already got Haruaki in a hospital bed, at his mercy. There's no need to go for overkill like this. And besides, even if he did, is excessive flattery really Akira's style of subterfuge? He's more likely to use his intellect than anything, and then brute force after that...
No, all signs point to what everything he's saying being entirely sincere.
Which raises a thousand more questions in Haruaki's mind, really. He didn't know Akira was paying such close attention to him.
There are so many things he could say, wants to say. But in the end–
His hands drop from Akira's shoulders, come up in front of his own chest, index fingers pressing together. ]
If all of that is true, then...
[ As if in response to Akira's observations of him, his cowlick wiggles back and forth as he bows his head just enough to be able to look up at Akira through his lashes. On anyone else, it might be a calculated move to look as flirtatious and appealing as possible – on Haruaki, it's entirely genuine. He doesn't mean to look the way he does. Not right now, out of his depth as he is. ]
[ Adorable. It really shouldn't be possible for one person to be so cute, and yet here Haruaki is in front of him doing everything he just mentioned. Akira must look the picture definition of smitten, unable to keep his expression schooled and neutral (or, his version of neutral) with such a specimen--what did he just say???
And that lack of schooling shows his shock clear as day. ]
You...you really want to?
[ And speaking of flush, of dilating pupils, Akira's no better. He couldn't be broadcasting his hopes for an answer louder if he started begging outright. ]
[ They're not normally things Haruaki would take note of, but having his attention called to his own autonomous reactions has him watching Akira with a keener eye. Is it a coincidence that he sees exactly what Akira described mirrored back at him?
Akira's seeing something that makes him happy...
It makes Haruaki's cheeks burn brighter, sure, but it makes him more certain of this than before, too.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Or if he'll go stock still, huge red eyes shot wide open and locked on Akira's.
He's effectively trapped, and Akira might be intentionally slowing his movements so as not to scare him, but it doesn't stop his heart from pounding so loudly in his chest that his ribs rattle.
It's a side effect of the conversation from the hall, good old fashioned boy's talk that led to him getting punted into the nurse's office. His tragically unkissed circumstances are fresh in his mind when normally they barely even feature; that's why he's thinking of it, surely, with Akira leaning in this close.
What was he even saying before...?
Temperature, right?
Well. Haruaki prepares to have a thermometer popped into his mouth, then. ]
A-alright.
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[ No matter what comes before or after, in moments of stillness, it's impossible to forget who he's speaking to.
He doubted it at first, why wouldn't he? That man was strong, capable, wise, if a little charmingly goofy at times. Haruaki here...well. He hadn't seemed anything but charming when they first met.
But the longer Akira paid attention, the more he couldn't help but notice, especially in the way he handled those around him. That light shining off in the distance of the train tunnel had been the final nail in the coffin, the reason for him to see even more, and more, and more, and more.
There's no doubt in his mind that the most important man in his life is beneath his hands right now, close enough to count every wrinkle in bright red stromata.
And the effects that's having on him gives him the belated realization that his own ability to compare their temperatures might be skewed.
It's fine. This is all fine. Like he said, just a quick check and treatment if necessary, and he can usher Haruaki back out the door where he no doubt wants to be. Where he should be, to guide yet more lives that need him along their paths.
Still slow and steady, eyes unknowingly half-lidded in their brief contemplation, Akira rests his forehead against Haruaki's. Silent. ]
exploding kitten.gif.........
It's... strange, isn't it? Even in past visits when he's been a compliant patient, it hasn't gone like this. Akira's usually all too happy to examine as much of him as possible, and Haruaki's all too eager to leave – a potent combination that leaves little time for idle rest.
It doesn't occur to Haruaki that the touch of their foreheads might serve any purpose at all. There's only one logical conclusion to him. ]
Are you tired, Takahashi-sensei?
[ There's still the slightest edge of unease to his voice, never fully comfortable around the good doctor no matter how docile he might seem in the moment – but for the most part, his tone is soft, understanding. More serious than Akira's probably used to seeing, too. The sort of quality his voice might take on if he were talking to one of his students if they seemed particularly down. ]
You work really hard, you know. It would make sense if you were.
hhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
He's thought about this before. Idle daydreaming about being so close during those times he has a moment to let his mind rest and go blank for just a moment.
It feels a lot like that right now.
Maybe he is tired. Maybe that's why it all melds together, daydream and reality, and his eyes are sliding shut to gently, so gently, close the distance between their lips. ]
SLAM DUNKS MYSELF INTO BED GOODNIGHT DEMON
Maybe. Haruaki has no way of knowing. He encyclopedia lays on the little table beside the bed, out of reach. He's boxed in, shirt collar still held fast in one of Akira's fists with a strength that doesn't match how tenderly he brushes their lips together in–
A kiss.
Haruaki's eyes are still wide open, staring at Akira's close-up face as he's kissed. It's probably a very poor kiss on his part, considering he can't do anything but let his lips part in dumb surprise and then stay frozen there, not even returning the gesture.
Lest Akira read that for a lack of interest, though, there are surely subtle physical cues he can pick up on, most Haruaki isn't even aware of. His breath coming shorter, the flush rising high up in his cheeks, the pace of his heart going rabbit fast, the clench of both of his fists into the scratchy bedsheets. Put together, it all telegraphs the one thing that fuels Haruaki most: desire.
But in the moment, all he can do is blink rapidly, a soft questioning noise rising up in his throat. ]
BITES YOU BITES YOU BITES YOU
Once he's back in his right mind, Akira might wish he'd felt fear, disgust, something that would have knocked him out of it and made him pull away. Maybe he would've been able to control himself then.
But desire meets desire like flint meets steel, and Akira is lost.
The hand previously caging them in moves to cup Haruaki's cheek, much more gentle even than its counterpart still holding on as if someone or something is going to take him away. Not that anyone would dare, not here, and would have an even harder time dethatching them once the tip of Akira's tongue traces those open lips hungrily before sneaking between them. ]
bite HIM!!!!!!!!!
That soft questioning noise turns into a yelp, high and squeaky and undignified. Akira can enjoy a few precious seconds of exploring a warm, inviting mouth with his tongue before Haruaki jolts into action, both hands going to his shoulders. He doesn't shove Akira off, just wraps his fingers firmly around them as he tries to wrench his head back.
Which... there isn't much room for, given he's pressed up against the wall. The resultant flailing chaos means that more than likely, all his blushing and stammering through his words will only serve to knock together noses, lips and teeth. ]
Takahashi-sensei! Y-you can't do that during someone's first kiss!!
[ OOPS. ♥ ]
HE'S TRYING!!!!!!!
Which he gets, and then needs a few moments to register what he's heard.
Blink. Blink blink. ]
...First kiss?
[ He heard that, right? His hearing's still excellent?? ]
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The words just come spilling out, far too loud for how close they still are. ]
That's right! Now you know why the students pushed me in here! They found out that I hadn't had my first kiss, and they said I might have some kind of disease! But I'm not diseased! I just have an off-putting personality and, until recently, an inability to make friends, much less go on dates!!
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I mean...
[ Ah. All those words just sank in. ]
That's what I would say if... I was a truly pathetic person...
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[ Just a second, seems like the implications of all that hadn't actually sunk in.
He was Haruaki's first kiss. He, Takahashi Akira, was Abe Haruaki's first kiss.
...Is his face only turning redder now? ]
I see! That's an interesting prank to pull on someone, especially a teacher. You really have a rambunctious class, don't you, Abe-sensei?
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Haruaki looks askance, clearly embarrassed now. ]
No, I think they really were trying to help me...
[ That's. Probably a charitable read of the situation. ]
But now I just look even more pathetic...
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That's not how I'd put it. If I had to say anything, though, it would be "sorry".
1/4 give him. a minute. christ
You don't have to say sorry, Takahashi-sensei! It's not like you knew it was my first k–
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Akira just. Wanted to kiss him? Saw the opportunity and took it?
Has he been waiting for a situation like this?
Has Haruaki missed several cues somewhere?
What is going on??? ]
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Um...
[ The tongue was a little much, yeah, but– ]
I'm not upset. So you don't have to say sorry.
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[ First kisses are a big deal to a lot of people, he knows this. Having it 'stolen' like that is reasonable cause for upset.
Haruaki is a very kind, very patient person, so that might be all this is. But what if it wasn't? He's had some pretty awful things done to him and forgiven the perpetrators, so that might be all this is. But what if it wasn't?
In spite of all his enigmatic smiles, Akira is in fact an open book. And what's front and center on the pages of his eyes is hope. ]
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Even when he does, though... ]
No, I'm... [ What's the word he's looking for... ] Curious?
[ His hands are still on Akira's shoulders. He's not sure what to do with them, fingers flexing nervously.
Learning about someone is how Akira shows his respect. Haruaki learned that about him fairly quickly, all things considered. Maybe he can take a leaf out of that book. ]
What made you do that?
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That's a good thing to be, of course, and for the most part Akira isn't a man of many secrets. Just the ones he's learned from experience would upset people if he admitted to them, so he keeps them shoved away in...an admittedly not tightly locked box. He has far too little shame to put that much effort into hiding them.
But this is one of those things that might upset someone, and someone important at that. Feelings are complicated things, things with the power to change people and relationships fundamentally, both for better and for worse.
And he doesn't have nearly enough data to say which way admitting to something like this could go.
But he makes the mistake of looking into those curious eyes and once again his heart is seized. ]
Well...I wanted to.
[ Despite the nerves, he keeps his eyes on Haruaki's, searching for any kind of reaction. ]
I've wanted to for some time, to be honest.
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Pure, utter confusion. ]
You have? Why?
[ It isn't put on at all. Nothing about this is Haruaki demurring. He isn't even acting self-conscious.
He plainly doesn't understand why Akira would want to kiss him. ]
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[ He shouldn't explain it, not everything, not now. Excited and eager as he is to just let everything spill out as it comes, now isn't the time. He can't very well leave it at that, though, can he...?
The hand still at Haruaki's cheek moves its thumb, gently brushing against bright, sun-kissed skin. Gods, how is it still so soft? ]
You're endlessly clever, and use that to be kind. You've made unspeakable differences in people's lives, more than someone as humble as you will ever be willing to admit. You think in ways no one I've ever met has gotten even close to, and I want to see more, learn more, learn every possible thing I can about you and how you operate and still be surprised by what you do and what you say.
...I also like the way the whole of you reacts when you see something that makes you happy. The way your pupils dilate, the slight flush of your cheeks, even your hair looks like it's enjoying itself.
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His cheek steadily burns hotter beneath Akira's gentle hand, and the only word for the expression that overtakes his face is stunned.
For a brief second, he wonders if it's a trap. Some way for the mad doctor to get one over on him and– what, vivisect him? But he's already got Haruaki in a hospital bed, at his mercy. There's no need to go for overkill like this. And besides, even if he did, is excessive flattery really Akira's style of subterfuge? He's more likely to use his intellect than anything, and then brute force after that...
No, all signs point to what everything he's saying being entirely sincere.
Which raises a thousand more questions in Haruaki's mind, really. He didn't know Akira was paying such close attention to him.
There are so many things he could say, wants to say. But in the end–
His hands drop from Akira's shoulders, come up in front of his own chest, index fingers pressing together. ]
If all of that is true, then...
[ As if in response to Akira's observations of him, his cowlick wiggles back and forth as he bows his head just enough to be able to look up at Akira through his lashes. On anyone else, it might be a calculated move to look as flirtatious and appealing as possible – on Haruaki, it's entirely genuine. He doesn't mean to look the way he does. Not right now, out of his depth as he is. ]
Shouldn't we have a redo?
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And that lack of schooling shows his shock clear as day. ]
You...you really want to?
[ And speaking of flush, of dilating pupils, Akira's no better. He couldn't be broadcasting his hopes for an answer louder if he started begging outright. ]
1/2
Akira's seeing something that makes him happy...
It makes Haruaki's cheeks burn brighter, sure, but it makes him more certain of this than before, too.
He nods, hums a soft mmhmm. ]
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gross. god. bye
the way i can't even begin to write this the way i wanna you're the wooOOOOOORST
hehes louder and louder
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sickening..... SICKENINGGGGGGGGG
CHEWS YOU CHEWS YOU CHEWS YOU