labyrinthum inbox

[dresscode]

PEACEFULLY! text / audio / video / action code credit

Comments

[dresscode]

Really?

What made you start thinking differently about it?

[noentry]

things have been bad lately
we're not always handed powers like we were last month

i feel like i could be doing something about this

[dresscode]

[ Sano isn't wrong. Not at all. Back when they talked about this around that bonfire, Haruaki tried to impress upon him that he doesn't necessarily need his powers back to help people, that there are other ways– but it's hard at times like these, isn't it? One wants to feel as strong as possible, to be able to help as many people as possible. Haruaki gets it... ]

You must still be worried about having them again, though. Right?

Like I said before, it's your choice and I'll support you in whatever you do. But I want Sano-kun to make that choice with as few worries as possible.

Talk to me about them, and I'll try to make them smaller, even if I can't make them go away.

[noentry]

[It feels so childish. Put all your worries into my hands and when I open them again, they'll be smaller! Sano wishes he'd done this in person. He wishes he could see Haruaki's face the way it looks right now. How did he ever think he could do this without?]

they're part of me
it feels wrong not to have them
but i don't know if they'd help
a lot of times they just make things worse

i don't want to hurt anyone

[Not goblins, not shadows, not mermaids, not anyone.]

[dresscode]

I know you don't...

You're such an amazing person, Sano-kun.

Maybe when you wish to have them back, you can wish for them to be less dangerous, too.

[noentry]

do u really think that would work?
wouldn't they just end up useless?

it's my fault i can't control them anyway
that's the real problem

[dresscode]

Well...

Maybe we can use this time here to help you learn how to control them.

I can help you with that, Sano-kun. I can try.

his canon point makes this extra terrible <3

[noentry]

haruaki
i couldn't live with myself if i hurt you again

STOP.

[dresscode]

[ Not Seimei– Haruaki. Just Haruaki, with nothing else.

If he knew where Sano was, he would sprint to him in ten seconds flat, throw his arms around him and never let go. ]

You won't! I won't let it happen...

I'm a lot stronger now than I was then, and I'll get even stronger to make sure Sano-kun doesn't feel that kind of pain again.

[noentry]

[His heart feels sick, mind full of blood. He pictures Haruaki lying on the floor in a heap and feels dizzy. It's a good thing they didn't meet in person. Even thinking the way he is now, he has no right to be anywhere near Haruaki.]

am i a monster?

[dresscode]

No. You're not.

[ No youkai or god is a monster, not even the worst one ever born. No human is, either. Haruaki has never been more certain of that. ]

Sano-kun, where are you?

[noentry]

i'm at my place
i'm in my room

[dresscode]

Would you rather talk like this, or can I come see you?

[noentry]

i don't know
i feel like i can't breathe

[dresscode]

If I couldn't breathe, you would come to me right away.

I'll see you soon, Sano-kun.

[noentry]

[He's grateful, but he's terrified. He's never felt like this in his life, or maybe it's just been a while. Maybe he felt this way when he was in middle school, back on that terrible day when Sano shattered. He's on the ground, curled up in the corner made by his bed and his nightstand. His hands are in his hair, breath coming shallow, quick. Haruaki doesn't live far away, but it feels like hours before he arrives.]

[dresscode]

[ It really takes no time at all– he runs even faster than he would if powered by thoughts of sailor uniforms. Sano needs someone, and there's nothing that can stand in Haruaki's way to be there for him.

He crouches in front of Sano, gaze soft with concern, hands reaching to rest firmly over his shoulders. ]

Sano. [ Just Sano. ] You're okay...

faster than with sailor uniforms... that's the most meaningful thing u could have said...

[noentry]

[In that moment, he's a terrified child, eager for comfort, hiding under a park bench...

[He has to let go of Mametarou to cling to Haruaki but he does so. He blurts out:]

I have to protect you! I have to.

[dresscode]

[ Haruaki doesn't hesitate even half a second before wrapping his arms around Sano to hug him tight, a hand at the back of his head to press it down against his shoulder. He can feel the way Sano struggles to breathe, and he rubs slow circles over his back, leans his cheek into his hair. ]

You will. You always do. Sano...

[ How can Haruaki protect him from this? ]

I mean it. You won't hurt me. I won't let you.

[noentry]

[He wishes he could tell Haruaki, almost as badly as the readers wish they knew what was going on. Instead, his mind is a vortex of memory, fear, doubt - and unending desperation to follow through on his promise, the promise that's become so sacred to him.

[But it's hard. Every month, it seems to get harder. He thinks he might be crying, but it's hard to tell. He tries to soothe rattling breaths under Haruaki's touch.]

I have to do it. I can't run away anymore.

[dresscode]

[ That's the hardest thing of all, isn't it? He can't tell Sano that if even just the idea of getting his powers back makes him panic like this, he shouldn't do it– because eventually, they'll go home, and his powers will return to him whether he likes it or not. Even if he can't develop a better handle on it before then, he has to at least get mentally stronger, otherwise he'll shatter even worse than this. ]

Have you ever been scared of something in the middle of the night? It could just be a jacket hanging up on your door, but since you can't see it clearly, the darkness makes it seem a hundred times more terrifying, and your brain tricks you into thinking all kinds of things...

[ Haruaki's voice is quiet, but firm in his resolve. The only way out is through, as they say. ]

You're right. If you keep running, your powers will only seem scarier in your own head. You have to face them, even if it's hard.

[noentry]

[Sano wants to cry. Is he crying? He still can't tell. He makes a sound against Haruaki's chest and nods.]

I know. I know.

[dresscode]

[ He won't force Sano to look at him, but he does lift his head so he can look down at his friend, watching him with nothing less than pure, unconditional love. ]

You're so brave, Sano. I think this is the bravest you've ever been. It doesn't feel that way, does it?

[noentry]

What? No! It doesn't.

[He is crying. When did he start crying? He hears himself sob and grinds his face into Haruaki's chest.]

[dresscode]

[ Sano sobs, and Haruaki cards gentle fingers through his hair, rubs his back a little firmer. It's okay. He's cried enough times on his friend. It's Sano's turn now to let it all out. ]

Being scared, and feeling weak, and still not running away... that's real bravery. I'm really proud of you.