[His heart feels sick, mind full of blood. He pictures Haruaki lying on the floor in a heap and feels dizzy. It's a good thing they didn't meet in person. Even thinking the way he is now, he has no right to be anywhere near Haruaki.]
[He's grateful, but he's terrified. He's never felt like this in his life, or maybe it's just been a while. Maybe he felt this way when he was in middle school, back on that terrible day when Sano shattered. He's on the ground, curled up in the corner made by his bed and his nightstand. His hands are in his hair, breath coming shallow, quick. Haruaki doesn't live far away, but it feels like hours before he arrives.]
[ It really takes no time at all– he runs even faster than he would if powered by thoughts of sailor uniforms. Sano needs someone, and there's nothing that can stand in Haruaki's way to be there for him.
He crouches in front of Sano, gaze soft with concern, hands reaching to rest firmly over his shoulders. ]
Sano. [ Just Sano. ] You're okay...
faster than with sailor uniforms... that's the most meaningful thing u could have said...
[ Haruaki doesn't hesitate even half a second before wrapping his arms around Sano to hug him tight, a hand at the back of his head to press it down against his shoulder. He can feel the way Sano struggles to breathe, and he rubs slow circles over his back, leans his cheek into his hair. ]
[He wishes he could tell Haruaki, almost as badly as the readers wish they knew what was going on. Instead, his mind is a vortex of memory, fear, doubt - and unending desperation to follow through on his promise, the promise that's become so sacred to him.
[But it's hard. Every month, it seems to get harder. He thinks he might be crying, but it's hard to tell. He tries to soothe rattling breaths under Haruaki's touch.]
[ That's the hardest thing of all, isn't it? He can't tell Sano that if even just the idea of getting his powers back makes him panic like this, he shouldn't do it– because eventually, they'll go home, and his powers will return to him whether he likes it or not. Even if he can't develop a better handle on it before then, he has to at least get mentally stronger, otherwise he'll shatter even worse than this. ]
Have you ever been scared of something in the middle of the night? It could just be a jacket hanging up on your door, but since you can't see it clearly, the darkness makes it seem a hundred times more terrifying, and your brain tricks you into thinking all kinds of things...
[ Haruaki's voice is quiet, but firm in his resolve. The only way out is through, as they say. ]
You're right. If you keep running, your powers will only seem scarier in your own head. You have to face them, even if it's hard.
[ He won't force Sano to look at him, but he does lift his head so he can look down at his friend, watching him with nothing less than pure, unconditional love. ]
You're so brave, Sano. I think this is the bravest you've ever been. It doesn't feel that way, does it?
[ Sano sobs, and Haruaki cards gentle fingers through his hair, rubs his back a little firmer. It's okay. He's cried enough times on his friend. It's Sano's turn now to let it all out. ]
Being scared, and feeling weak, and still not running away... that's real bravery. I'm really proud of you.
[It's so odd to cry. Sano just doesn't. He used to - Haruaki has seen it before - but not lately, not anymore. Often times, he wants to cry, but he doesn't. He hasn't.
That's not true. [ Quiet, gentle. ] You always have a choice.
[ Sano could choose to keep running from it, keep ignoring what he should do in favor of what feels more comfortable. Haruaki should know. He's done that enough in his life. ]
Sano, can I go with you to the crystal when you do wish for your powers?
[The sound Sano makes it's nothing short of pitiful, something between a hiccup and a whimper, making his shoulders hunch. He lifts his head to look at Haruaki, eyes full of tears, brow pinched.]
[ What a silly question. Haruaki really does adore him, and it's so plain on his face, serious countenance cracking in favor of a grin as he pulls his sleeve down over the heel of his palm and uses it to wipe Sano's cheeks. ]
Because you're my friend! Silly Sano-kun... I want to be there to support you. I don't want you to have to go through it alone.
[ And, if something goes wrong...
Haruaki wants to be there to help him, of course. But that part can remain unsaid. ]
[It doesn't have to be said. Sano knows as well as he assumes Haruaki must know, seeing as he seems to know everything. He'll keep Haruaki's power in check, and Haruaki will keep Sano's. It's such a profound trust.]
Okay.
[His voice breaks. He stares at Haruaki a moment longer, then curls up against him again.]
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wouldn't they just end up useless?
it's my fault i can't control them anyway
that's the real problem
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Maybe we can use this time here to help you learn how to control them.
I can help you with that, Sano-kun. I can try.
his canon point makes this extra terrible <3
i couldn't live with myself if i hurt you again
STOP.
If he knew where Sano was, he would sprint to him in ten seconds flat, throw his arms around him and never let go. ]
You won't! I won't let it happen...
I'm a lot stronger now than I was then, and I'll get even stronger to make sure Sano-kun doesn't feel that kind of pain again.
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am i a monster?
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[ No youkai or god is a monster, not even the worst one ever born. No human is, either. Haruaki has never been more certain of that. ]
Sano-kun, where are you?
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i'm in my room
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i feel like i can't breathe
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I'll see you soon, Sano-kun.
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He crouches in front of Sano, gaze soft with concern, hands reaching to rest firmly over his shoulders. ]
Sano. [ Just Sano. ] You're okay...
faster than with sailor uniforms... that's the most meaningful thing u could have said...
[He has to let go of Mametarou to cling to Haruaki but he does so. He blurts out:]
I have to protect you! I have to.
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You will. You always do. Sano...
[ How can Haruaki protect him from this? ]
I mean it. You won't hurt me. I won't let you.
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[But it's hard. Every month, it seems to get harder. He thinks he might be crying, but it's hard to tell. He tries to soothe rattling breaths under Haruaki's touch.]
I have to do it. I can't run away anymore.
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Have you ever been scared of something in the middle of the night? It could just be a jacket hanging up on your door, but since you can't see it clearly, the darkness makes it seem a hundred times more terrifying, and your brain tricks you into thinking all kinds of things...
[ Haruaki's voice is quiet, but firm in his resolve. The only way out is through, as they say. ]
You're right. If you keep running, your powers will only seem scarier in your own head. You have to face them, even if it's hard.
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I know. I know.
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You're so brave, Sano. I think this is the bravest you've ever been. It doesn't feel that way, does it?
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[He is crying. When did he start crying? He hears himself sob and grinds his face into Haruaki's chest.]
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Being scared, and feeling weak, and still not running away... that's real bravery. I'm really proud of you.
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[Until now.]
It's only 'cause I have no choice.
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[ Sano could choose to keep running from it, keep ignoring what he should do in favor of what feels more comfortable. Haruaki should know. He's done that enough in his life. ]
Sano, can I go with you to the crystal when you do wish for your powers?
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You want to? Why?
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Because you're my friend! Silly Sano-kun... I want to be there to support you. I don't want you to have to go through it alone.
[ And, if something goes wrong...
Haruaki wants to be there to help him, of course. But that part can remain unsaid. ]
we can wrap soon ughhghghgh
Okay.
[His voice breaks. He stares at Haruaki a moment longer, then curls up against him again.]
Okay...
yes... it's cuddle time.........
I lied we wrap when we die
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gestures to our other thread. gestures to this keyword. anyway
stares... also I lied... tanuki times... we can wrap if u wanna after all...
WRAPT IT U WANT :WHYYYYY: